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7 Nontoxic Self Tanners For A Healthy Glow (2025)

Our Editors — Tue, 30 Sep 2025 19:39:13 +0000

The Good Trade editors endorse products we’ve personally researched, tested, and genuinely love. Learn more about our methodology and business model here.

We’ve personally tested and researched dozens of nontoxic self-tanner lotions and self-tanning products— these are our editor’s top picks for safe, clean, and streak-free options at a range of price points.

We crave the feeling of the hot sun on our skin and the afterglow of a good tan, although our idea of tan and what actually happens (i.e., skin turns red, burns, peels, then freckles back to normal) are two different things. This is where self-tanner comes in. Get the glow without the burn, UV damage, and subsequent wrinkles. But what you use to get your glow is super important.

Why use nontoxic self-tanner?

A study published in the American Journal of Public Health found that skin absorbs an average of 64% of contaminants. Typical self-tanners contain toxic ingredients, including mineral oil (a petroleum-based product that blocks pores and can be carcinogenic); sodium hydroxymethylglycinate which may break down into formaldehyde; isopropyl myristate which may bind to skin as nitrate (a carcinogen); amyl acetate which is sometimes used as a paint and lacquer solvent (gross); octyl stearate, an irritant that blocks pores; and other artificial fragrances and dyes made of petrochemicals.

Since none of us wants our largest organ covered in potentially cancer-causing chemicals, not to mention the nasty smell of DHA, we’ve rounded up the best nontoxic tanning lotions to keep your summer glow without the toxic load.

Our criteria:

Our editors have tested, researched, and scoured thousands of customer reviews to determine the very best natural skincare brands. These brands are organic, chemical-free, and luxurious, and they come at a variety of prices. We update this list regularly with emerging favorites that meet the criteria below.

NATURAL/ORGANIC | Each of these self-tanners is made with clean, natural, and organic ingredients that are safe and nourishing for your skin.
EFFICACY | We’ve tested and researched the best self-tanners to ensure their formulas are effective and will give you the glow you desire (without the streaks!).
AFFORDABILITY | Natural beauty can be expensive! We’ve included self-tanner brands that are easy on the wallet, so we can all benefit from the products.

Don’t forget the sunscreen! Just because you have a tan doesn’t mean you can forgo lathering up. Here are our favorite nontoxic and mineral sunscreens (and face sunscreens, too).

1. Coco & Eve

Best For | Anti-aging self-tanner
Ingredients | 100% natural DHA, lotus extract, raw virgin coconut oil, fruit extracts
Shade Range | Medium, dark, ultra dark
Price | $38 for 6.7 fl oz of the Sunny Honey Bali Bronzing Foam

Coco & Eve has won 21 beauty awards for their 100% clean, cruelty-free tanning products. Their ingredients are silicone-free, toxin-free, paraben-free, and gluten-free. Loved by Cosmopolitan, Elle, Glamour, and more, the Sunny Honey Bali Bronzing Foam is created using their patented lotus extract formula to hydrate and firm skin. For the face, they have two options: Bronzing Face Drops or the Antioxidant Face Tanning Micromist, which includes the brand’s promise of a natural-looking tan in two hours that can last four days. The accessories line is impressive: an exfoliating mitt, soft velvet tanning mitt, back tan applicator, face kabuki brush, and a body kabuki brush. All products are free from sulfates, parabens, petroleum, phthalates, mineral oils, palm oil, and other common nasties. You can find a full list of what they’ve excluded — and included — on each product page. All products are 100% recyclable, and 100% of the cardboard and paper products are FSC-certified.

Customer Review | “This is such a reliable glowy tan. Exactly what I wanted for my bridal shower (see pictures!). I use the medium color and it’s perfect. Sometimes if I have drier patches of skin it looks blotchy upon application, but it always comes out super even, so don’t be alarmed at first! When you rinse off, there’s usually an initial layer of “brown” tint that rinses off, then almost a “green” tint when you use soap. So make sure to use soap as well if you’ll be wearing light colored clothes! This is so worth it!” – Haley (Read all reviews.)

SHOP Coco & Eve self-tanner, $38

2. Typology

Best For | Self-tanning complexion serum
Ingredients | Jasmine native cells, buriti oil, carrot macerated oil, jojoba oil, sunflower oil, mandarin oil
Shade Range | Natural orange glow for all skin types
Price | $68 for 1 fl oz of the Tan Complexion Serum

Typology’s products have an artisan-style beauty, but they are far from style over substance. Made of six plant extracts in three synergistic categories of active ingredients (plant cells, plant oils, and essential oils), this serum revives the radiance of your skin, giving you an instant, subtle summer tan. Buriti oil is rich in beta-carotene, an orange-colored plant pigment found in carrots that is chock-full of antioxidants. Used in their proprietary blend, just a few drops of the serum as the final step in your skincare routine results in a sun-kissed glow. It’s suitable for all skin types (although if you tend towards oily skin, they recommend only applying the serum at night). All ingredients are certified organic, 100% naturally derived, vegan, and packaged in a recyclable glass bottle with a glass pipette. Oh, and it really is made in France.

Side note: If you still want a self-tanner, they offer the wildly popular Self-Tanning Serum made with 100% plant-derived DHA and carob pulp extract. It provides a progressive customized tan from six hours after application that last three to five days.

Customer Review | “I’ve added it to my evening routine (as recommended for oily skin). It’s not a self-tanner, so the result is really light. You really get a healthy glow.” – Madly V. (Read all reviews.)

SHOP Typology self-tanner, $68

3. True Botanicals

Best For | Pregnancy-safe bronzing self-tanner
Ingredients | Carotenoid rich oils, calendula oil, apricot kernel oil
Shade Range | Natural bronzer for all skin types
Price | $120 for 1 fl oz of the Bronze Well Regenerative Glow Drops

Give your skin an instant golden-hour glow with True Botanicals‘ Bronze Well Regenerative Glow Drops, a luxurious treatment oil designed to nourish, hydrate, and illuminate all skin types and tones. Packed with potent antioxidants, carotenoid-rich oils, pro-vitamin A apricot kernel oil, and soothing calendula, these drops fight fine lines, dryness, and dullness while protecting your skin barrier from free radical damage. Use it as the final step in your routine for a luminous finish or mix a few drops into your moisturizer or foundation for a subtle, sun-kissed radiance.

Customer Review | “These are great, they really give you a perfect subtle tan. I hate the way self tanners smell and this bronzer oil is the best alternative! I love it” – Lauren L. (Read all reviews.)

SHOP True Botanicals self tanner, $120

4. Beauty by Earth

Best For | Self-tanner bundles
Ingredients | Sugar beet DHA, coconut oil, witch hazel, shea butter, green tea & fruit extracts
Shade Range | Fair to medium, medium to dark
Price | $36 for 7.5 fl oz of the Self Tanner Body Lotion

Beauty by Earth was developed by two friends who were frustrated with the skincare industry’s disregard for health, particularly regarding sunscreens that contained harmful toxins. Determined to offer safer alternatives, they founded one of the fastest-growing natural skincare companies in the U.S., Beauty by Earth, which focuses on effective, clean ingredients. Their popular self-tanner, infused with coconut oil, shea butter, cranberries, and sugar-beet-derived DHA, not only provides a natural-looking tan but also deeply hydrates and rejuvenates the skin. Committed to transparency and safety, Beauty by Earth products are rated by the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep Database®, ensuring you’ll feel confident and nurtured with every use.

Customer Review | “At first application I was a little disappointed with the amount of color. When I realized it was buildable… GAME CHANGER! I like the ease of the product… its very nourishing and my results are not only beautiful but noticeable to friends and coworkers. Love this stuff!!” – Dorothy (Read all reviews.)

SHOP Beauty By Earth self-tanner, $36

5. Coola

Best For | Certified organic self-tanners
Ingredients | Argan oil, hyaluronic acid, plant stem cell cultures, aloe vera, fruit & flower extracts
Shade Range | Gradual tan formula
Price | $54 for 1.7 fl oz of the Sunless Tan Anti-Aging Face Serum

COOLA‘s glow-inducing serum gradually builds a tan over several days while reducing visible signs of aging. Formulated with argan oil and hyaluronic acid to nourish the skin and plant stem cell cultures to minimize premature aging, this serum is non-comedogenic and suitable for sensitive skin. Adhering to the strict California Organic Products Act (COPA) standards, COOLA ensures that at least 70% of every formula consists of certified organic ingredients, supplemented by sustainable, lab-derived elements. Their 100% naturally derived fragrances are transparently listed, and every product undergoes Human Repeated Insult Patch Testing (HRIPT) to ensure safety. Additionally, all COOLA products are soy-free, nut-free, and gluten-free.

Customer Review | “LOVE COOLA’s Organic Sunless Tan Anti-Aging Face Serum. It is perfectly effective at giving me a natural looking tan, super easy to apply and even helps my face look smoother and younger! Excellent product!” – Patrick W. (Read all reviews.)

SHOP coola self-tanner, $54

6. Suntegrity

Best For | Natural sugar beet DHA self-tanner
Ingredients | USDA Certified Biobased product using aloe vera, shea butter, sweet almond oil, coconut oil, fruit oils & extracts, coffee extract
Shade Range | Buildable formula
Price | $40 for 5 oz of the Suntegrity Moisturizing Self Tanner

Suntegrity came about when founder Tricia lost her mother to melanoma skin cancer and realized she needed to wear sunscreen every single day. The only problem was that most sunscreens use filters like Oxybenzone or Octinoxate, both linked to potential endocrine disruption. Tricia wanted to make a skin care line that not only protected but also nourished skin. She did just that with the creation of her face and body SPF line and her moisturizing self-tanning line. Suntegrity’s Moisturizing Self Tanner is hydrating and nourishing, leaving you feeling protected and glowy from the inside out. Suntegrity is vegan, cruelty-free, and their SPFs are reef-friendly. Choose from a body blender mitt made of 100% latex-free foam, a Kabuki body brush, or a Self-Tanning Mitt for flawless application and coverage.

Customer Review | “This Is THE BEST Self Tanner! Smells Great, Perfect Coloring When On, And Doesn’t Have Gross Chemicals. Thank You So Much For Making This Item – It’s My Summer Must Have!” – Desiree (Read all reviews.)

SHOP Suntegrity self-tanner, $40

7. Lux Unfiltered

Best For | Hydrating self-tanners
Ingredients | Sunflower extract, jojoba seed extract, papaya extract, cocoa seed extract, hyaluronic acid
Shade Range | Original, deep
Price | $38 for 6.8 fl oz of the Original Hydrating Self-Tanning Cream

Founded by digital creator Sivan Ayla in 2019, Lux Unfiltered‘s self-tan collection focuses on enhancing your natural look. The brand’s iconic N°32 Gradual Self-Tanning Cream launched their range of sunless tanning, luxury body care, and colored cosmetics designed to look natural on the skin and aesthetic on the shelf. All products are developed, tested, and made in California using non-toxic, vegan, and cruelty-free ingredients. The N°32 cream is enriched with shea butter, cocoa butter, squalane, and passion fruit oil, providing a natural-looking glow without the risks of sun exposure. For a customizable tan, try the N°12 drops (an Allure 2022 winner!), featuring hyaluronic acid and coconut water, which can be integrated into any skincare routine for a bronzed face. Easy to apply and free from unpleasant smells or sticky residue, Lux Unfiltered products prioritize safety and natural beauty.

Customer Review | “This stuff is the best. Smells great and applies nicely. Will be my go-to all year long.” – E.B. (Read all reviews.)

SHOP lux unfiltered self-tanner, $38

Featured image is from True Botanicals

The post 7 Nontoxic Self Tanners For A Healthy Glow (2025) appeared first on The Good Trade.

Are Women Who Choose To Live Alone Happier?

Amara Amaryah — Mon, 29 Sep 2025 21:25:31 +0000

I have always admired women who live alone. My admiration ran so deep that I had a pink sofa era, named so because I furnished my apartment with a deep awareness that this was to be my feminine sanctum. I was inspired by the women who seemed to retreat to a home where everything existed just as they left it — a home that was a true extension of themselves.

And yet, when you search “women living alone” the main results have headlines like, “How To Stay Safe As A Woman Living Alone,” with tips on securely locking your windows and doors, or articles focusing on older women adjusting to living alone after years of doing the opposite. These may be valid and necessary, but they only tell half of the story. Look closer and you’ll find the safe spaces women create for themselves to house their most intimate joys and solitude.

I was taken by Poorna Bell’s recent essay “In the restful houses of women who live alone” published in her newsletter “As I Was Saying.” In it, Bell describes her home and the homes of cool aunties and women whose sanctuaries offer respite. I admire their restedness, the endless Sunday vibes, and the ease that comes with not having to tend to everyone before yourself. I have seen and experienced for myself that women who live alone are usually living in a space that reflects their inner commitment to less, to unexpired ease. Realistically though, how easy is it for women to choose this lifestyle? And is it the right choice for everyone?

Why are women happier living alone?

While some women are of course happily married or coupled, it’s important to observe the other side of the story with genuine curiosity. Paul Dolan, author of “Happy Ever After: A Radical New Approach to Living Well” and a professor of Behavioral Science at the London School of Economics, has discussed what many may have suspected or lived firsthand.

“If you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother.” Dolan explains this in reference to a study of American Time Use which compared levels of pleasure and unhappiness in unmarried, married, divorced, separated, and widowed individuals. The study found that unmarried, childless women were the happiest population of all.

“A committed relationship or marriage can translate to financial support and less loneliness, but it also raises questions.”

A committed relationship or marriage can translate to financial support and less loneliness, but it also raises questions about other forms of personal or emotional security, such as uncompromised living arrangements, sleeping (every night) in the middle of the bed, and investing ample time in personal wellness.

Dr. Kimber Shelton, a Texas-based psychologist, names the latter as one of the main reasons that women are happier and healthier living alone. She explains that “research continues to show that in comparison to men, women in heterosexual relationships who work outside of the home continue to take on most of the household responsibilities and childcare labor. Working, coming home to cook, clean, attend to children, and meet their partner’s needs leaves little room for consideration of self.”

Occupying the caregiver role may result in becoming responsible for the health and wellness of a partner, too. Making doctors appointments and providing your partner with meals are just some examples. For Dr. Shelton, this helps to explain why “men in heterosexual relationships tend to live longer and are happier than single men. Meanwhile, married women in heterosexual relationships on average die earlier and express less happiness than single women.”

“If happiness is tied to having more time and space for self-noticing and self-nurturing, then there are many reasons why women may wish to delay or forfeit marriage.”

If happiness is tied to having more time and space for self-noticing and self-nurturing, then there are many reasons why women may wish to delay or forfeit marriage and, instead, tend to themselves. “Single women can focus on their needs and wants. If they prioritize their health and wellness, there is the space and opportunity to have these needs met,” adds Dr. Shelton.

Solo living reclaims what society has poorly championed: Happiness in extended solitude. It is the opposite of the tired, familiar narratives, like the pity for solo-living women and the rush to get married. Women who are happy in their self-choosing deviate from the (outdated) norms and may even be called selfish. If it is selfish, it’s a necessary selfishness; a version that is more akin to self-preservation.

Should all women live alone at least once?

Living alone as a woman may bring fulfillment, if one has the resources and desire to do so. A recent study published by Tannistha Samanta in the Journal of Aging Studies explores the lives of upper-middle-class Indian women aged 50–65 who are living solo. While living alone as a woman is not statistically or traditionally a common arrangement for Indian women, Samanta found a possibility to disrupt that norm in COVID-19’s call for social distancing. The study demonstrates the self-actualization and appreciation of solitude that can be found in women who live alone — and aims to encourage its normalization beyond the pandemic.

“Living alone as a woman may bring fulfillment, if one has the resources and desire to do so.”

Bella DePaulo, social scientist and author, writes about living in joyful defiance of the stereotypes of singlehood. DePaulo’s book, “Single at Heart,” explores the misconceptions about single life and the deep fulfillment that can come with choosing singledom. In one essay, “The Stereotype-Defying Strengths of People Who Love Living Alone,” DePaulo makes a case for three special skills that enrich living alone for the single at heart: Having solo pursuits as favorite activities, being connected to others, and having restorative rather than intimidating solitude.

Accessing joy in independence can be honed, but it may be overwhelming for those who haven’t experienced the happiness of solitude. Loneliness may arise for some women, particularly if their lives have been filled with constant company and cycles of cohabitation. Dr. Shelton reminds us that being lonely and alone are not the same thing. In fact, there are several methods to cherish alone time. “Single women living alone do well when they create a life that nurtures their interests and hobbies. This might include trying new recipes, visiting museums, traveling, going on hikes, watching movies, reading books, and exercising.”

“Living alone doesn’t mean being alone — and finding a balance between sociality and solitude is key.”

Beyond this, Dr. Shelton prompts ideas about redefining what it means for single women to be in community with other women, building friendships, or enhancing family ties. Single women can also explore noncommittal sexual partners or open relationships, if they’re interested.

Living alone doesn’t mean being alone — and finding a balance between sociality and solitude is key. If you’re interested in cultivating this balance, or you already feel at peace in solitude, then living alone could be a good option for you.

How can you live alone while married or in a relationship?

The experience of living alone may seem like a far-off dream to those who are in a happy, cohabitating relationship, even if it is of interest. But, there are ways to experience the joys of living alone either in small doses or as a practice.

“Trust and communication in long-term relationships is more important than the living arrangements.”
– Dr. Kimber Shelton, PhD

For cohabitating couples, living alone may look like moving into a new space with different boundaries or dividing an existing home space to create separate quarters. This can carry with it a new sense of self-identity where one’s living space is removed from other external identities such as wife, mother, cook, etc. Women might also consider traveling alone, perhaps for an extended trip, as a way of attending to their own needs, thoughts, and desires.

It is important to note that choosing to live (or travel) alone while married or in a relationship sometimes causes guilt. According to Dr. Shelton, combatting guilt is possible but open communication is a must. “Trust and communication in long-term relationships is more important than the living arrangements. If all parties agree to the separate living arrangements and trust the commitment to the relationship, having separate living spaces should maintain or enhance the relationship as the arrangements were mutually desired.” In other words, a healthy agreement is one where trust is present and both parties’ desires are honored.

Strategies for choosing to live alone

Choosing to live alone can be a big emotional undertaking since it runs counter to many of our societal expectations and learned behaviors. Exploring and addressing feelings, including guilt, is crucial as you explore solo living. With Dr. Shelton, we’ve put together a list of some practical tools to navigate this.

Notice, without judgment, if there is any lingering guilt. Firstly, notice the source of any guilt. Does the guilt stem from narratives of what you are “supposed to do” or the life you are “supposed to have?” Or, is it from not living the life that someone else wants you to live? Figure out the reasons you feel guilty and if it is coming from a narrative that does not fit you or your lifestyle, then work to create a narrative that matches your desire.

Be clear. If you are not interested in a long-term relationship or marriage, let dates or potential partners know this upfront so they can make informed decisions about exploring a relationship with you. If you are part of a relationship now, have an open conversation with your partner about your interest or desire to live alone.

Lean into your support system. Spend time with people who affirm your choice to live alone. Do things with other single people who are comfortable with their choice to be single. Build connections with others where relationship status is not a central focus. Try seeking out relationships based on your interests, and this should follow.

If you want to unpack more, pursue therapy. Professional support can help to overcome stigma, shame, or guilt for our relationship status and choices. Building a relationship with a therapist can help you learn more about yourself, your limits, and how you function in your interpersonal relationships.

Are you interested in living alone? Do you live alone already? We’d love to hear your stories of joyful solitude in the comments.

Amara Amaryah is a Jamaican essayist, author, and wellness and travel writer born in London. Her life writings are interested in voice — often voicelessness — and reclamations of identity through definitions of home. Her freelance journalism explores health, joy, self-knowing, and more. Amara now travels and lives slowly in her favorite places around the world. She writes the “Life Is In Love With Me” newsletter.

The post Are Women Who Choose To Live Alone Happier? appeared first on The Good Trade.

Why My Partner And I Prioritize Couples Therapy When Everything is “Fine”

Stephanie Fallon — Fri, 26 Sep 2025 16:49:28 +0000

When I got married, I had no idea what to expect. But that didn’t keep me from having sky high expectations.

“When I got married, I had no idea what to expect. But that didn’t keep me from having sky high expectations.”

I had visions of a backyard painting studio and several picturesque reading nooks, many years spent talking over cups of wine and dying candlelight. Everyone we knew agreed that we seemed very happy and were destined to have beautiful babies. Still, I couldn’t really picture what it was going to look like day to day, or how we were going to make it all work.

My templates for marriage were less than inspiring: I was a child of divorce, and most of my friends were too. All the love stories I’d seen in movies and books ended with the wedding, and sitcoms showed affable man-child husbands being managed by their exasperated wives. Whatever came after the wedding seemed like a mix of disgruntled monotony punctuated by occasional babies, vacations, and events at best; riddled with betrayal and dysfunction at worst. And yet I knew I wanted to get married, because I wanted to know what it would feel like to be in a relationship with someone who promised to never leave me.

“I knew I wanted to get married, because I wanted to know what it would feel like to be in a relationship with someone who promised to never leave me.”

Marriage means something different to everyone, but to me — a serial monogamist since age 16 — it meant no break up. I know this sounds both obvious and also old fashioned, not to mention demonstrably untrue — people get divorced every day, and marriages end just like any other relationship for all kinds of reasons. Good reasons! Just because a marriage doesn’t end doesn’t mean it’s a good one.

(I want to say here that the story of each marriage is, truly, its own unique and singular thing: We all have our own reasons for getting married or not, staying married or not, and my story is in no way a commentary on anyone else’s. My desire to never get divorced is a personal goal, not a universal moral decree. [And if I’m being honest, divorce is just the sort of logistical, expensive nightmare that my ADHD-addled brain avoids at all costs.] So please regard my commentary on the subject as pointedly and deeply specific only to me, my spouse, and our particular marriage. 💖)

Here’s the thing about me: I am both someone who is very open to the idea of embracing the unknown, and I am also someone who likes to be in control. In many ways, this makes me the ideal candidate for something as bonkers as promising my future to some dude, however great he may seem at the time. Marriage gives me the structure and boundaries of a controlled environment with the thrill of having no clue how it’s all going to turn out. But getting married seemed also like a lot of work to a potentially redundant end: We were already living together, had already adopted a dog and mixed up our lives enough that for all intents and purposes very little was going to change after a wedding. So for me, I felt that if I was going to go to the trouble to make a public and legal vow, I wanted it to be iron-clad.

“I am both someone who is very open to the idea of embracing the unknown, and I am also someone who likes to be in control.”

Why bother, I reasoned, unless the whole point is to do the audacious, terrifying, impossible thing itself: To make a promise on behalf of some unknowable, future versions of myself to keep loving whoever my partner was going to become. No outs, no addendums, no excuses. We promised to choose each other and our marriage every day, every time the choice was offered, and we put that vow in writing above our bed.

That is bananas! Who makes that sort of deal? There are so many things that could go wrong, so many ways we could grow apart or change. We could stop wanting the same things, or begin working toward different lives without even realizing until it was too late. One of us could lose our job while the other’s career skyrocketed; one of us could find community while the other floundered; we could face any number of health tragedies or accidents, financial or family-related crises that could push us to the breaking point. Or we might simply change in quiet, subtle ways that no one can quite put their finger on, until everything that once bound us together had been eroded away. Either one of us could wake up one day and realize that the person lying next to us is not the person we married, but a total stranger.

“Either one of us could wake up one day and realize that the person lying next to us is not the person we married, but a total stranger.”

And here’s the thing: The idea that we might one day look at one another and declare “You are not the person I married,” is not even just a hypothetical possibility, but an inevitability. Neither one of us are the same people we were ten years ago, and I thank our lucky stars for it!

Personal growth is the privilege of those fortunate enough to age. We don’t just change, but (hopefully) evolve — we get clearer on our values and beliefs, expand our capacity for compassion and forgiveness, and gain wisdom from the endless failures and errors we make along the way. Signing up to grow alongside someone else requires a willingness to not just accept each other’s development, but to commit to meeting, welcoming, and loving the new person they become, over and over again.

This is one of those ideas that seems deceptively simple, often only revealing its depths in practice. Personal growth usually comes not from the comfy, easy times, but from hardship and setbacks — the times when we tend to be at our absolute worst. It’s one thing to promise to love someone through the good and the bad when you’re wearing a gorgeous dress and surrounded by flowers at golden hour, but what about when you’re trying to rouse your partner from their third week in bed after an unexpected layoff, when the bills are piling up and the only interactions you’ve had in days have been petty, dumb arguments about the litter box that somehow devolve into a screaming match where you both say things you don’t really mean but can’t find a way to take back?

“Personal growth usually comes not from the comfy, easy times, but from hardship and setbacks — the times when we tend to be at our absolute worst.”

While that isn’t a specific example from our marriage, it is familliar to me in tone and intensity. Ten years of marriage have revealed us to each other in ways that neither of us could have anticipated, let alone prepared for. And it was hard, uncomfortable, and circuitous work figuring out how to map our way back to each other after these tough times. We managed with all the skills of a new homeowner rewiring a house using only video tutorials, scrap wire, and a half-used roll of electrical tape. Sure, we managed to get the lights to turn on and off, but there are some areas where they only flicker, and definitely an exposed wire or two that might give you a shock if you aren’t careful.

When our daughter was diagnosed with diabetes, we experienced the sort of total emotional collapse that no YouTube handyman could’ve coached us through, even if we had the proper tools. This was a job for a professional — and to be clear, I am talking about a couples’ therapist.

“The sessions we attended both together and individually were a lifeline during what was the hardest period of both of our lives.”

The sessions we attended both together and individually were a lifeline during what was the hardest period of both of our lives. With a designated time and place to funnel all our biggest feelings, it made it easier to focus on the day to day of establishing our family’s new normal. Instead of letting the low simmering feelings of grief and anxiety come out in such sneaky disguises as an argument about the dishes piling up in the kitchen sink, we could table the irritation for our next session. “Let’s talk about it with Carol,” was our shorthand to let it go for the moment. It was easier to do this when we could write out the offense on a sticky note and stack it next to the appointment circled in red on our kitchen calendar. “Fine,” the other would say. “We’ll talk about it with Carol.”

The funny thing is, we almost never did talk about the sticky notes with Carol. By the time our appointments came around, we had lived what felt like a hundred more years, with so many new layers of our own emotional journeys revealing themselves to us as we limped through the crash course of medical parenthood. Sitting on our therapist’s couch in her softly lit office, the complaints on the sticky notes looked exactly like what they were: Small, petty moments of frustration during an enormous and terrifying life transition. In Carol’s office, we were able to talk about what was really going on, learning to accept our new reality by naming our fears, finding effective coping strategies, and most importantly, strengthening our partnership at the same time.

As we got through the hard times, our appointments with Carol thinned out, and eventually things felt more stable in our lives. We were busy, and it seemed harder to get a joint session on the calendar when both of our schedules were so packed. But we had learned so much from our sessions, from how to recognize particular triggers and more consistently avoid them, to how to better navigate the fallout when a trigger was unavoidable. We learned more about each other’s fears, and with Carol’s guidance we were able to share with each other some of the ways our new life had reshaped the quietest, most inner parts of our core selves.

“I’d never felt more connected with Aaron, more capable of compassion for the times when he was not his best self.”

I’d never felt more connected with Aaron, more capable of compassion for the times when he was not his best self. I felt more seen and understood by him, and I could truly appreciate all the little changes in his behavior that showed how much he respected and valued me. At some point, everything about our life that had seemed so impossible was now just the norm. We did it! We’d made it through, and thanks to therapy, we were fine.

Life went on. And while it was true that we were still “fine,” we were also still normal humans who, when worn down by periods of high stress and little rest, turn into short-fused grouches prone to snapping or weeping at a moment’s notice. During a stupid argument about something I can’t even remember, I tried forcing us to practice a technique Carol had taught us, setting a timer that would limit our griping to just 15 minutes. But we were too tired, too irritable, and too out of practice. The timer went off, but we could barely hear it over the litany of complaints we were lobbing at one another. Aaron hit snooze, and we went around and around for another three cycles of 15-minute timers, until we were both too exhausted to care anymore.

Carol always tells us that there is a point of escalation when we are physiologically incapable of absorbing new information. We’ve all heard of the fight-or-flight response, or the acute stress response that occurs when our sympathetic nervous system perceives a physical, emotional, or mental threat to our safety — like, apparently, a fight with your spouse about something stupid when you’re both extremely tired and stressed.

“There is a point of escalation when we are physiologically incapable of absorbing new information.”

When triggered, our bodies react in ways that are in service of our safety: Our muscles tense, and we might clench our jaws or grind our teeth; our heartrates escalate, sometimes to as high as 150 bpm or higher, even while we might not be moving at all; we might get the overwhelming sensation to physically stomp, kick, or lash out. And when both parties are experiencing these things, it can be nearly impossible to de-escalate with words alone, especially the sort of words from the rational parts of our brains that have been turned off and locked up for safekeeping.

So after we had both finally gotten some sleep and found a time to do the 15-minute exercise in a calmer moment, we decided we should go back to Carol. Even though most days we seemed to be doing pretty well, it felt much harder to remember how to access the skills and techniques we’d worked on in therapy when we hadn’t talked about them in so long.

Without an appointment already on the books to which we could stick a Post-it note with whatever petty complaint, eventually that petty complaint started feeling more urgent, and much bigger than it actually was. Having the option to say “Let’s talk about it with Carol,” again built in the time and space we both required to be able to see what really needed tending over what was just a normal domestic tension. Because that’s the thing, isn’t it? A good marriage isn’t one that’s free from conflict, but one where both people are free — free to fail, but choosing to learn from it; free to leave, but choosing to stay.

“A good marriage isn’t one that’s free from conflict, but one where both people are free.”

Aaron and I were married with as solid a foundation as anyone could hope for: We were good friends, and we both wanted to stay married. We both also embraced the idea that we can’t really know or control our future, but agreed that we were up for facing that unknown together. This is actually a core tenant of our marriage — our first dance was to the Lisa Hannigan song “I Don’t Know,” the lyrics of which list what we might not yet know about the other, while declaring us game anyway.

“We think of our marriage as a third party: There is Aaron, there is me, and then there is the thing we have agreed to keep and care for together.”

We think of our marriage as a third party: There is Aaron, there is me, and then there is the thing we have agreed to keep and care for together. Sometimes I think of it as a house, or a potted plant — a relatively self-sustaining thing that can be largely left alone, but every now and then requiring a little attention. Sometimes it might be simple maintenance, and sometimes it might need more dramatic intervention. In all cases, I might ask an expert for some tips, maybe even buy a book on home improvement or plant care. I can’t always anticipate what might go awry, but I can trust my ability to seek out someone who might be able to help figure it out.

Couples’ therapy is the way Aaron and I can show up for our marriage together, a reminder that we are both invested in the health of this distinct thing we decided to create. And even if we can’t know who all the different people we might become over the course of our lives together might be, they’ll be game to keep our marriage going — especially if we leave the right care instructions for them to follow.

Stephanie H. Fallon is a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade. She is a writer originally from Houston, Texas and holds an MFA from the Jackson Center of Creative Writing at Hollins University. She lives with her family in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, where she writes about motherhood, artmaking, and work culture. Since 2022, she has been reviewing sustainable home and lifestyle brands, fact-checking sustainability claims, and bringing her sharp editorial skills to every product review. Say hi on Instagram or on her website.

The post Why My Partner And I Prioritize Couples Therapy When Everything is “Fine” appeared first on The Good Trade.

10 Best Nontoxic And Natural Lube Brands (2025)

Our Editors — Fri, 26 Sep 2025 16:41:01 +0000

The Good Trade editors endorse products we’ve personally researched, tested, and genuinely love. Learn more about our methodology and business model here.

We love using natural products, especially in the bedroom. These are our top picks for nontoxic lubes that are organic, safe, and have other perks too.

Lubricant, when made well and with healthy and natural ingredients, is a wonderful aid for enhancing pleasure. It’s great for foreplay and sensual massages or touch, especially in our erogenous zones, as well as other activities. Depending on the ingredients, lube can increase arousal, intensify pleasure, and even reduce pain or inflammation.

Why consider natural lube?

Opting for natural lube not only is better for your body, but can also be better for your health and the environment. It’s crucial for lube to work with the natural pH level‘s of our bodies, in order to avoid imbalances and infections. (Typically, a lube should be as close to a level of 4.5 as possible, for optimal balance.) Alongside the proper pH, natural lubricants are more beneficial and are typically free from harsh chemicals, synthetic fragrances, and artificial preservatives, reducing the risk of irritation and allergic reactions. They often contain soothing and moisturizing ingredients like aloe vera and coconut oil, which help promote overall vaginal health. Additionally, natural lubes are usually non-toxic and avoid potentially harmful substances like parabens and petrochemicals.

From an environmental perspective, natural lubes often use sustainably sourced, biodegradable ingredients and eco-friendly packaging, reducing their ecological footprint. Many brands also emphasize ethical practices, such as cruelty-free testing. By choosing natural lubricants, you can ensure a safer, more enjoyable experience while supporting sustainability and ethical production practices.

Our criteria:

Our editors have personally used and reviewed nontoxic and sustainable products for a decade. Yes, that includes lube and even toys. These are our top picks for natural lubes that are made of organic materials, safe to use, and have other benefits too. We regularly update this list with new finds that meet the below criteria.

NATURAL & ORGANIC | Made with all-natural, skin-safe, and organic ingredients, these lubes are non-irritating and offer moisturizing properties for your skin and intimate regions.
HEALTHY & SAFE | Each of these lube brands are free from harmful additives and unnecessary irritants, and are healthy and safe for use on our bodies.
VERSATILE | Whether you’re looking for a lubricant for solo use or with a partner, these lube brands are versatile and can be used for both, as well as for toys too!

There’s no shame in needing or wanting to use lube — or toys, for that matter! Our only recommendation is to use products that are as healthy and eco-friendly as they are potent. In case your libido has been feeling low, we’ve also gathered our favorite all-natural libido-boosting supplements to help enhance your pleasure and satisfaction!

Best Overall | Best CBD | Best Subtle Scent

1. Tabu

Sexiest Feature | Recommended by top OBGYNs and pelvic floor experts
Ingredients | Plant-based and vegan ingredients including organic aloe leaf, organic passion flower, and organic peony root; free from parabens, fragrances, hormones, and glycerin; water-based
Cost | $37; discounted subscriptions available (10%+ off)

Tabu is a firm believer that pleasure never comes with an expiration date (say it louder for the people in the back!)—which is to say, this California-based brand is destigmatizing sexual wellness for older women. The science-backed and health-first company addresses common concerns like dryness, atrophy, low libido, and more with its personal massager and natural lubricant. We love that the Aureum Lubricant is clean, natural, made in the USA, FDA-cleared, and hypoallergenic (among many other things). Snag a Golden Hour Kit for the whole package.

Customer Review | “Best lubricant! Absolutely no stinging or burning and wonderfully slippery.” – Anonymous (Read all reviews.)

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2. Playground

Sexiest Feature | Bottle and cap made from post-consumer recycled plastic
Ingredients | Safe and natural ingredients, superherb adaptogens, vegan & water-based, clean fragrance formulas (fragrance-free options)
Cost | $20

Playground’s clean and water-based lubricants are perfect for boosting your pleasure and intimacy. The pH-balanced formulas offer a lasting and silky slip, and the subtle scents are inviting without being overbearing. This lube is made with full-sensory superherb adaptogens too, increasing blood flow and enhancing orgasm. Best of all, Playground has the most fun and — yes — playful packaging! Less stigma, more stimulation for the win.

Customer Review | “Goes on silky, slippery and keeps you wet. Very gentle on the skin with 0 irritation.” – Colleen W. (Read all reviews.)

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3. Foria

Sexiest Feature | Only two organic ingredients
Ingredients | Organic MCT coconut oil & broad-spectrum CBD
Cost | $44; discounted subscriptions available (15% off)

Elevate sensation and satisfaction with Foria’s natural CBD lube & sex oil. It’s formulated with just two ingredients — organic coconut oil and USDA organic-certified, regeneratively-grown USA hemp — but they sure are effective. If you don’t believe us, check out the reviews that rave about enhanced pleasurability during intimacy!

Customer Review | “Using this oil for self pleasure has definitely helped me to experience a more natural and better feeling of self satisfaction. Can’t wait to try it with a partner when the time comes.” – Anonymous (Read all reviews.)

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4. Coconu

Sexiest Feature | Stimulates natural lubrication
Ingredients | Organic coconut oil, organic beeswax, organic cocoa butter, organic sunflower oil & organic shea butter
Cost | $25–$35; discounted subscriptions available (15% off)

Coconu is a leader in the natural lube field, the first company to create a coconut oil-based lubricant that is USDA-certified organic. Using the highest quality certified organic ingredients, these lubes are designed for internal and external use, with or without toys. They are also 100% edible and cruelty-free! Shipped in discreet packaging, the brand also works in partnership with Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance, donating a portion of its profits toward research.

Customer Review | “I finally found the perfect lube! Coconu Oil Based is what I use every time. Don’t waste your time with other lubes on the market. Coconu has the best texture and consistency and lasts the longest. No mess and no fuss. Love it!” – Anonymous (Read all reviews.)

Shop Coconu

5. TOCA

Sexiest Feature | Hemp-based botanical CBD lube
Ingredients | Organic, food-grade ingredients; natural oils
Cost | $48

TOCA’s (Spanish for touch) plant-based lube and oils are perfect for stimulating, warming, and aiding in sexual pleasure. We love this natural lubricant for its hemp-based botanical CBD properties that increase arousal. Moreover, TOCA’s lube helps balance vaginal flora and is a perfect tonic for daily use. Combine with Qulo, their warming CBD intimate oil for additional sensation.

Customer Review | “I’ve tried many intimate oils before this one but, this is by far the most enjoyable to use. This intimate oil tastes great, feels exceptionally good for both me and my partner and can really go the distance. As someone who is sensitive to many different types of chemicals and additives, this intimate oil is perfect for me due to the natural ingredients. So do yourself and whoever you’re playing with a favor and buy this oil!” – J.S. (Read all reviews.)

Shop Toca

6. Maude

Sexiest Feature | Naturally hydrating
Ingredients | Organic, aloe-based, glycerin- & paraben-free; aloe juice, mushroom extract, quinoa seed extract, oat kernel extract
Cost | $35; discounted subscriptions available (10% off)

We love this lube’s beautiful, discreet bottle design, making it perfect to keep on your nightstand. Maude’s ultra-hydrating Shine lubricant is made in the USA with organic ingredients, including aloe, for natural and pH-balancing hydration.

Customer Review | “A little goes a long way! Bought this 7 months ago and we have only gone through half of the bottle! The consistency is sooo smooth and soft. The formula remains wet for a long time- no need to reapply over and over. Non-scented and cute packaging… what more could you want?! I love all of our Maude products!” – Chloe (Read all reviews.)

Shop Maude

7. Lola

Sexiest Feature | One-click lid pump
Ingredients | Made with 100% natural ingredients
Cost | $14; discounted subscriptions available (7% off)

Lola’s organic lube is water and aloe-based, helping to mimic the body’s natural moisture and maintain vaginal pH balance. It is also free from fragrance, petrochemicals, and parabens, including synthetic colors and flavors.

Customer Review | “This is my favorite lube ever. You don’t feel sticky when you are putting it on and using it, AND you don’t feel sticky/gross afterwards. The bottle is super convenient because you don’t have to open it, you just twist it, and it never drips after even though it’s a pump. It doesn’t smell or tingle. And it lasts longer than any other lube I’ve used. 10/10 I’ve literally bought it three times.” – justgirlythings (Read all reviews.)

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8. Dame

Sexiest Feature | Silky, long-lasting glide
Ingredients | Aloe leaf juice, mushroom extract, sodium hyaluronate, quinoa seed extract, hemp seed extract, linseed extract, green tea extract, oat kernel extract
Cost | $19; discounted subscriptions available (25% off)

Aloe Lube by Dame is a doctor-approved, pH-balanced, and toy-safe personal lubricant formulated with organic plant extracts for a silky, long-lasting glide. Its key ingredients include aloe leaf juice for its slippery glide, plus mushroom extract, sodium hyaluronate, quinoa seed extract, and green tea extract to name a few. These natural components provide moisture, promote blood flow, reduce inflammation, and preserve the product. Aloe Lube easily washes away with warm water, and has a pH of 4 matching the ideal pH for both penile and vaginal regions! With every second order of this lube, you’ll receive a free textured silicone grip, convenient for single-hand use.

Customer Review | “This product seems very similar to one’s own natural lubrication. It’s extremely gentle and usable with comfortable ease. So happy that this is offered!” – Donna C. (Read all reviews.)

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9. Nécessaire

Sexiest Feature | Vegan & FDA-approved
Ingredients | Aloe leaf juice, hyaluronic acid, lactic acid, allantoin
Cost | $25; discounted subscriptions available (15% off)

Nécessaire’s Sex Gel is a water-based personal lubricant designed for intimate skin, featuring a hydrating serum-in-gel formula with hyaluronic acid, lactic acid, and allantoin for enhanced moisture and comfort. This vegan, pH-optimized product is FDA-approved and free from silicones, parabens, phthalates, PEGs, and added fragrances. It serves as both a lubricant and intimate moisturizer, being non-staining, non-greasy, and non-sticky. Nécessaire’s lube is a Medical Class II device and is certified by 1% For The Planet, B Corp, Climate Neutral, Plastic Neutral, FSC, and How2Recycle, with a pH range of 3.5 to 4.5.

Customer Review | “This is the best lube. It is nearly like the body’s natural fluid. Other lubricants can be sticky or greasy or too watery. This one is perfect. We love it for partnered romance or solo fun. No scent, no irritation, provides lasting moisturization.” – Carol (Read all reviews.)

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10. Quim

Sexiest Feature | Cannabis-infused oil that intensifies sensation and increases libido
Ingredients | Plant-based oils & natural ingredients, hemp CBD
Cost | $20—$48; discounted subscriptions available (20% off)

Quim (taboo slang for vagina) is a line of plant-based lubricants infused with soothing ingredients, including apricot and hazelnut oils, as well as passionfruit extract. This lube also includes CBD and cannabis to intensify sensation and nourish our bodies. We love the empowering message behind this brand and likewise believe in deepening self-connection by giving our sensitive parts a little extra love.

Customer Review | “I am pleasantly pleased and definitely satisfied with your product. I am very sensitive to products and I have not had any bad effects. Orgasms have intensified, and the frequency as well with increased pumps. As a daily moisturizer it’s lovely as well. Aging adds some dryness and this can be used daily in smaller amounts. I highly recommend this. Hopefully soon all products can be shipped to other states.” – Renee B. (Read all reviews.)

Shop Quim

Featured image from Maude

The post 10 Best Nontoxic And Natural Lube Brands (2025) appeared first on The Good Trade.

The 5 Best Affordable Couples Therapy Websites (2025)

Our Editors — Fri, 26 Sep 2025 15:48:34 +0000

The Good Trade editors endorse products we’ve personally researched, tested, and genuinely love. We will receive compensation if you purchase products or services through some of the links provided. Learn more about our methodology and business model here.

We’ve researched the best online couples therapy platforms — these are our top choices that are inclusive, discreet, and offer affordable pricing or insurance coverage.

Relationship and marriage counseling is perfectly normal. Romantic comedies often paint relationships as easy — effortless, even. But the truth is that a commitment to someone isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it kind of thing. Relationships require maintenance, especially as circumstances shift and change.

Perhaps you’ve mastered the art of open and honest communication or you share love languages with your partner. If so, congratulations — you’ve cracked the age-old code! If you’re finding it to be a particular challenge though, know that you’re not alone. Every partnership has annoyances, complications, and miscommunications — you’re each growing! And, whether it’s a big hurdle or a small hiccup, couples therapy can help you return to smoother sailing.

Why consider virtual couples therapy?

Online couples therapy can be a great option for people seeking accessible ways to improve their relationships. You’ll be able to access therapy in the comfort of your own space without the need to travel, helping you save time and money (it’s also discreet). You’ll have access to a wider range of therapists — perhaps someone who understands your specific needs — rather than being limited to services in your area. Virtual couples therapy is often more flexible too, with a larger array of available times that can work better for you and your partner’s schedule.

What should you look for in a therapy service?

With so many different types of therapy services out there, what should you look for when finding the right therapist for you? It’s important to ensure the therapist you select is licensed with verifiable credentials, and specializes in working with couples specifically. There are also various couples therapeutic techniques, including EFT, CBT, and the Gottman Method, so be sure you understand these differences and research or discuss with your therapist to find out if their approach is the right fit for you and your partner’s needs. Be sure to also inquire whether the therapist or therapy service accepts insurance, or offers financial assistance or lower-cost therapy options, as needed.

“There is no shame in seeking help — and going to therapy together isn’t a sign of failure.”

And most importantly, compatibility is everything! Feeling comfortable and heard is essential to successful therapy, so make sure you feel confident that you and your partner can build a strong relationship with your therapist.

How much does online couples therapy cost?

Online couples therapy can cost on average anywhere from $40 to $275 per session, depending on the platform, therapist’s experience, and session length. Subscription-based therapy services typically cost $65 to $90 per week, which can also include unlimited messaging. If you go with a private therapist, expect to pay $100 to $200 per session, though some therapy networks even offer low-cost therapy through sliding-scale rates. You’ll find most of the couples therapy services we’ve featured below can range anywhere on average from $160/month for online couples counselling, all the way up to $3500 for a couples counselling retreat.

We’ve also included affordable therapy services on this list that charge per session, starting at $40, as well as self-guided counselling apps, which start as low as $12 per month. Insurance might cover part of the cost, but not all plans include couples therapy — we’ve noted which one of these recommended therapy services accept insurance. Overall, we’ve included a wide range of options, whether you’re looking for budget-friendly help or premium sessions with top professionals.

Whether you need mediation for discussions around parenting, emotional connection, or even if you’re looking to improve your sex life, there’s a therapist who can support you. (You can even find a professional to help transition you through a separation mindfully.)

Just remember: There is no shame in seeking help — and going to therapy together isn’t a sign of failure.

Our criteria:

Our team has researched dozens of couples therapy platforms and scoured thousands of online reviews to select our best options for couple therapy. We regularly update this list with emerging platforms that meet our criteria.

INCLUSIVE | Each of these virtual couples therapy services provides an inclusive range of therapists from different backgrounds, ensuring you’ll find a therapist that fits your needs and can deeply resonate with your life experiences.
AFFORDABLE | Most of these online therapy platforms offer therapists at an affordable price range and/or offer flexible terms (including one option that accepts insurance).
PRIVATE | Each of these virtual therapy services work hard to keep your data safe through encryption, with many platforms adhering to HIPAA compliant practices.

Be sure to also check out our list of affordable online therapy for individuals (because a relationship is only as healthy as the people who are in it!). If you are seeking a therapist with your shared experience, you can search for therapists via Inclusive Therapists and the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network. Or, if you’d prefer to meet with a therapist in person or in a hybrid setting, here’s our go-to guide on finding the therapist right for you.

Best For Privacy And Compliance | Quick Counselor Matching | Most Affordable

1. Regain

Best For | Quick counselor matching
Features | All therapists are licensed, have at least 3 years of experience & at least 1000 hours on hands-on experience
HIPAA Compliant | No; system is encrypted
Insurance Accepted | No, offers lower cost therapy
Pricing | $65 to $90/week (billed every 4 weeks)

As part of the BetterHelp network (a top choice for individual online therapy), Regain was specifically created with couples in mind. Fill out a survey with your current relationship needs and get matched with a counselor in a few days. Your therapist will be licensed and certified, and has experience in relationship counseling — so you can navigate any chapter (whether it’s together on a joint account, or you’re doing some work on your own!).

Customer Review | “I am really enjoying this service. I was skeptical at first, but being that you have the ability to have video therapy sessions is great. You’re still able to have a “face to face” conversation but in your own comfort. Having the ability to message my therapist throughout the week is a great plus too. My therapist, Deborah, is absolutely amazing. She’s a great listener, provides great advice, and helps me dig deeper with the questions she asks. I’ve only had 2 sessions with her and I’m feeling very optimistic. Would definitely recommend her.” – Anonymous (Read all reviews.)

Find A Therapist

2. Talkspace

Best For | Direct messaging with therapists
Features | Relationship, marriage, or premarital counseling, text messaging or video sessions
HIPAA Compliant | Yes
Insurance Accepted | Yes, check your coverage
Pricing | Starts at $69/week (live sessions & unlimited messaging)

Knowing where to start can be half the battle, and Talkspace’s couples therapy can help you identify the issues in your relationship. You can seek support for yourself as an individual, or work with your partner and an unbiased professional to open new paths of communication, restore trust, and find solutions that work for your relationship. Talkspace offers both video sessions and accessible messaging, so you can get support no matter what your schedule looks like.

Customer Review | “We were paired with a super helpful couples therapist and even in just a few short months, our marriage feels back on track. Highly recommend it, and the app just makes the service even easier to use on the go.” – Annecharbs (Read all reviews.)

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3. OurRitual

Best For | Accessible & flexible relationship guidance
Features | Personalized plans, 1:1 weekly sessions with an expert, uses EFT & the Gottman Method, encrypted platform
HIPAA Compliant | No (does not share any information with third parties)
Insurance Accepted | No, lower cost service
Pricing | Starts at $128/month for a single person; $208/month for a couple

Tackle your relationship issues head-on with OurRitual’s guided in-app service. With simply 20 minutes a day and a personalized plan catered to your relationship needs, OurRitual uses exercises, journaling, and 1:1 support to help you and your partner get back on track. Each session provides videos and tasks that are evidence-based and tried-and-tested methods to help you both integrate new approaches into your relationship successfully. OurRitual is proof that knowledge is power and learning new tools can make a world of a difference.

Customer Review | “For years we’ve had this recurring fight. Tonight when it came up, we took a step back and rewatched the video together. It changed EVERYTHING! Turned an old argument into a good conversation.” – Veronica (Read all reviews.)

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4. Couples Therapy Inc.

Best For | Coaching & sex therapy
Features | Evidence-based retreats, courses, & intensive therapy sessions, multiple languages & countries served, in-person options
HIPAA Compliant | Yes
Insurance Accepted | No, alternative options available
Pricing | Online coaching sessions start at $150/session; weekend retreats start at $3500

Working with couples isn’t a niche service for Couples Therapy Inc. — it’s the core focus of this team of Gottman-certified clinicians. After the founder herself experienced sub-par couples counseling, she devoted her practice to science-based coaching, therapy, and retreats (including online retreats). Couples Therapy Inc. also offers international therapists that service in Germany, Great Britain, and Canada.

Customer Review | “Couples Therapy Inc. is serious business – no margaritas, group sessions or yoga classes… a science-based intensive one-on-one retreat addressing your relationship issues head on with a skilled doctoral or masters-level couples therapist.” – Anonymous (Read all reviews.)

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5. Open Path

Best For | Affordable therapy
Features | Online & in-person services, nonprofit network
HIPAA Compliant | No (not a healthcare company); mental health clinicians must oblige with HIPAA
Insurance Accepted | No, offers lower cost therapy
Pricing | One-time $65 membership fee; starts at $40/session

While not exclusively online, Open Path is a nonprofit network of mental health professionals offering affordable psychotherapy options for low- and middle-income patients. You’ll find your next therapist through the search function (be sure to search for providers in the state in which you live). Open Path is excellent for people with financial limitations, charging only $40 – $70 per session for couples after the one-time registration fee.

Customer Review | “Open Path may have truly saved me in a very desperate time of needed guidance. I needed perspective and a safe place to figure out how to direct the next part of my journey. Open Path allowed me to easily find someone who matched my needs and I feel very grateful for Open Path and my counselor, that I otherwise could not afford. It’s still tough but it’s worth every bit of every cent spent taking care of myself. Thank you to all of you who provide this service on a sliding scale, truly grateful!” – Jasmine (Read all reviews.)

Find A Therapist

A bonus option

Lasting

Lasting’s aim is simple: “Show everyone how to love better,” through its couples counseling app. While you won’t speak directly with a counselor, this app is designed by therapists for couples (and couples’ therapists!) to support a deeper, more communicative partnership. Use Lasting on its own and enjoy the workshops and courses on topics like repair, family culture, and sexual desire, or pair it with other virtual or in-person sessions for even greater accountability and long-term support.

Customer Review | “OMG! Amazing App! It only had been a couple of days. My marriage had improved enormously. This app has fantastic workshops, questions, and sessions that have helped strengthen my relationship with my wife. The unique part, in my opinion, is that every day they ask us to talk about something important. They also have reminders such as saying to your wife you love her. Or something that makes her smile. Those reminders helped me a lot to make sure my wife know I appreciated her. My wife and I see a couple therapist, and the app has helped us more in a couple of days than the real-life therapist. I recommend this app to any couple who really wants to build a stronger relationship.” – Anonymous (Read all reviews.)

Try Lasting

The post The 5 Best Affordable Couples Therapy Websites (2025) appeared first on The Good Trade.

How To Be Happy For Others (When It’s Hard To)

Megan Lierley — Thu, 25 Sep 2025 19:27:24 +0000

When I was experiencing infertility, there was one event that was almost guaranteed to ruin my day: Pregnancy announcements. I know it sounds horrible. It felt even worse. A friend would share what was usually the happiest news of her life, and I would glance away from the text or Instagram, or even hang up the phone and cry. I wouldn’t wish infertility on anyone, let alone my friends, and yet their happy news and first-try pregnancies were punch-in-the-gut reminders of the thing I wanted most but I couldn’t have.

“Their happy news and first-try pregnancies were punch-in-the-gut reminders of the thing I wanted most but I couldn’t have.”

I’m not an expert in psychology, but I am a person who recently came out of a deep season of grief. A season in which wonderful things happened to people I loved, and I learned to navigate the coexistence of these truths. I was sad for myself yet I wanted so badly to be happy for them. I didn’t always get it right (or get there at all) but here are a few tips that helped me feel happy for others even when it was hard to.

Check In With Yourself

A mantra that helped me minimize my guilt when I reacted with sadness to someone’s happy news was: “It’s not that I’m not happy for her, I’m just sad for me.” My grief during infertility was so overpowering, it was often the only emotion I could feel. It’s not that you don’t wish the best for the people you love, it’s that you’re so sad, or angry, or heartbroken, that you simply can’t find the room for empathy.

“It’s not that I’m not happy for her, I’m just sad for me.”

In working with a therapist, I quickly learned that “sad woman who hates pregnancy announcements” wasn’t my new identity but I still needed to work through my grief to open up space and energy for emotions outside of it. How? By coming up with an action plan.

For example, If you’re single and don’t want to be, is there an opportunity for changing up your approach to dating or meeting a partner? For me, I knew I wasn’t happy for others because I wanted what my friends had: a baby. I was already taking all the appropriate steps to get and stay pregnant, so my action plan became to work through my grief with a therapist and be gentle with myself in terms of how I was able to show up for my pregnant friends.

Set Boundaries

Perhaps you’re unhappy in your career and it’s upsetting to chat with a friend who is seemingly being promoted every other month. Setting a boundary can simply be something like: “I’m so happy you’re killing it at work! I’m not feeling like I’m in the best place career-wise, do you mind if we take a break from work chat for [insert time period]?”

“I couldn’t be that person, and every single friend I told understood.”

Your friend deserves someone who will cheerlead her rapid career ladder ascension, and my friends deserved someone who wanted to co-create nursery mood boards on Canva. I couldn’t be that person, and every single friend I told understood. Just like we want to be happy for our friends (and if you’re reading this article, you do!), they want us to feel happy and comfortable in our interactions too.

Congratulate Her Anyway

While it’s important to sit with your feelings, take action toward your own happiness, and set boundaries, your future self will thank you if you act the way you wish you felt. When we don’t feel happy for others, it’s usually coming from a place of temporary unhappiness within ourselves. Always acting from that place won’t make you feel good. Send the flowers, say congratulations, tell your friend you’re thrilled for her — even if you’re not completely there yet.

Accept That Sometimes, You Just Won’t Be Able To Get There

“I let myself sit with the uncomfortable feelings and, like they tend to do, they passed.”

Sometimes, you simply may not be able to feel happiness for someone. I remember one particular pregnancy announcement for which none of my tips or tricks were working — I was bitter, angry, and resentful towards this person. Fortunately, she lived far away and had texted me so I wasn’t put on the spot or made to put on an Oscar-worthy performance in person.

I was able to sit with my feelings, and honestly? This friend never knew and never will know about my reaction and it’s not her business anyway. There was no need for her or anyone else to know how sad I felt hearing her wonderful news. Even if I felt alarmed by my reaction in that moment, I now see in hindsight that my reaction had everything to do with my frustration with my own situation, rather than harboring any ill will towards her. I let myself sit with the uncomfortable feelings and, like they tend to do, they passed.

Remember That Everything Is Temporary

It can be helpful to remember that everyone will experience hardship. Maybe right now you feel like you’ll never be happy again and your best friend just bought a gorgeous house and went on a dreamy beach vacation. Just like you will feel joy again, it’s just as likely your best friend won’t stay on cloud nine forever. The best we can do for the people we love is to support them through the impermanence of both their happiest and saddest moments. As Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

Be Gentle With Yourself (And With Others)

It’s not a good feeling to hear someone’s great news and experience anything other than joy. It’s also normal and doesn’t make you a bad person. If anything, it can make you more empathetic with time. Eight months ago, after nearly two years of sadness and uncertainty, I gave birth to healthy, gorgeous twin babies. While I may send my mom and sister a zillion pictures and videos weekly, I’m far more aware of my good fortune than I would have been without the experience of infertility. I am more careful about who I complain to about sleepless nights, more conscientious about what I post on social media, and more aware of how sharing stories about my babies might impact others.

“The best we can do for the people we love is to support them through the impermanence of both their happiest and saddest moments.”

I know there are people in my life who probably want to feel joy for me but feel triggered seeing my babies — or another friend’s Michelin-starred dinner or magazine-worthy wedding. Just as I’d encourage you to be gentle with yourself when you’re struggling to feel happiness for others, be patient with others who can’t quite get there for you when you — inevitably — have fabulous things happen to you once again.

Megan Lierley is a writer and editor based in Northern California. She currently leads content for Cora, the women’s wellness company. On any given day, there’s a good chance she’s talking tampons, practicing yoga, writing her weekly culture and current events newsletter, reading a historical fiction novel, or eating a burrito in Dolores Park.

The post How To Be Happy For Others (When It’s Hard To) appeared first on The Good Trade.

99 Quotes To Help You Through Transition

Natalie Gale — Thu, 25 Sep 2025 17:19:12 +0000

Doesn’t autumn tend to feel more like the beginning of a new year than January does? The change in weather often aligns with changes in our personal lives and major political and global shifts, too. Change always necessitates adjustment — whether it’s big or small, intentional or unplanned, for the better or for the worse.

Whatever kind of change you’re experiencing, we’ve rounded up this list of 99 quotes to ring in this season of transition. Maybe you need help taking a big leap, or you’re looking for comfort about a recent decision or a recent loss. The sentiments below will help you navigate the uncertainty, whatever it may be.

And if you’re not going through a transition right now, bookmark this link for the next time you are. Change is the only constant, after all. 🍂

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” — Mahatma Gandhi, source unknown

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” ― Henri Bergson, source unknown

“There is a kind of magicness about going far away and then coming back all changed.” ― Kate Douglas Wiggin, “New Chronicles of Rebecca”

“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” — Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, “Frankenstein”

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” ― Toni Morrison, “Song of Solomon“

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.”
― Henri Bergson, source unknown

“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” ― John C. Maxwell, source unknown

“The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings.” — Kakuzo Okakura, “The Book of Tea”

“All things are difficult before they are easy.” — Thomas Fuller, “Gnomologia”

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” — Eckhart Tolle, source unknown

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” — John Hughes, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — Viktor E. Frankl, “Man’s Search for Meaning”

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don’t.” — Stephen King, “The Stand”

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
— Viktor E. Frankl, “Man’s Search for Meaning”

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.” — Stephen Chbosky, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time. What we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” — Sydney J. Harris, source unknown

“The present changes the past. Looking back you do not find what you left behind.” ― Kiran Desai, “The Inheritance of Loss”

“If I am an advocate for anything, it is to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river.” — Anthony Bourdain, source unknown

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” ― Andy Warhol, “The Philosophy of Andy Warhol”

“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” — Stephen Hawking, source unknown

“I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.” –- Erica Jong, “What Do Women Want?”

“There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.” — C.S. Lewis, “The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume 3”

“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”
— Stephen Hawking, source unknown

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” — Ann Landers, source unknown

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” — Alan Watts, “The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety”

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” ― Mandy Hale, source unknown

“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.” — Hugh Prather, “Notes to Myself: My Struggle to Become a Person”

“Change is the law of life, and those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future.” — John F. Kennedy, source unknown

“Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.” — Frank Herbert, “Dune”

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” — Andy Rooney, source unknown

“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.” — Maya Angelou, “Wouldn’t Take Nothing For My Journey Now”

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”
— Andy Rooney, source unknown

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.” — Gilda Radner, source unknown

“Moving doesn’t change who you are. It only changes the view outside your window.” — Rachel Hollis, “Girl, Wash Your Face”

“Be willing to transition at every stage of your life. If your heart is open and you have an open mind, the blessing will flow.” — T. D. Jakes, source unknown

“I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.” — Aldous Huxley, “Point Counter Point”

“It is when we are in transition that we are most completely alive.” — William Bridges, source unknown

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” — Steve Maraboli, “Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience”

“It is when we are in transition that we are most completely alive.”
— William Bridges, source unknown

“The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.” — Charles F. Kettering, source unknown

“There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse! As I have found in traveling in a stagecoach, it is often a comfort to shift one’s position and be bruised in a new place.” — Washington Irving, “Tales of a Traveller”

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” –- George Bernard Shaw, source unknown

“None of us really changes over time. We only become more fully what we are.” ― Anne Rice, “The Vampire Lestat”

“All humans change. Development is our life. Transition, in labor, is the most painful time. Without change, there’s no growth.” — Mimi Kennedy, source unknown

“Light precedes every transition. Whether at the end of a tunnel, through a crack in the door or the flash of an idea, it is always there, heralding a new beginning.” – Theresa Tsalaky, “The Transition Witness”

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” — Maria Robinson, source unknown

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new.” -– Dan Millman, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior”

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
— Maria Robinson, source unknown

“A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you’re in and take advantage of it.” — Nikki Giovanni, source unknown

“Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.” – Tom Stoppard, “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead”

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well as the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” — Friedrich Nietzsche, “Daybreak”

“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” — Madonna, “I’m Going to Tell You a Secret”

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” — Leo Tolstoy, “The Death of Ivan Ilyich”

“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore.” — Andre Gide, “The Counterfeiters”

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.”
— Leo Tolstoy, “The Death of Ivan Ilyich”

“Never too old, never too bad, never too late, never too sick to start from scratch once again.” — Bikram Choudhury, source unknown

“Realize that if a door is closed, it’s because what was behind it wasn’t meant for you.” — Mandy Hale, “The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass”

“You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” — Carter Crocker, “Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin”

“When in doubt, choose change.” –- Lily Leung, source unknown

“The changes we dread most may contain our salvation.” — Barbara Kingsolver, “Small Wonder: Essays”

“Times of transition are strenuous, but I love them. They are an opportunity to purge, rethink priorities, and be intentional about new habits. We can make our new normal any way we want.” — Kristin Armstrong, source unknown

“The changes we dread most may contain our salvation.”
— Barbara Kingsolver, “Small Wonder: Essays”

“Keep in mind that people change, but the past doesn’t.” ― Becca Fitzpatrick, “Hush, Hush”

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” –- Helen Keller, “Let Us Have Faith”

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” — Barack Obama, Feb. 2008 speech

“In each of us there is another whom we do not know.” ― C.G. Jung, “Civilization in Transition”

“She knew this transition was not about becoming someone better, but about finally allowing herself to become who she’d always been.” ― Amy Rubin, source unknown

“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.” ― Elizabeth Lesser, “Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow”

“In each of us there is another whom we do not know.”
― C.G. Jung, “Civilization in Transition”

“We can’t become what we need to be by remaining what we are.” — Oprah Winfrey, source unknown

“She understood that the hardest times in life to go through were when you were transitioning from one version of yourself to another.” ― Sarah Addison Allen, “Lost Lake”

“Any transition is easier if you believe in yourself and your talent.” — Priyanka Chopra, source unknown

“Temporary discomfort is an investment in your future self. Accept a small and uncomfortable transition now, for a lifetime of growth and self-development.” ― Florence Given, “Women Don’t Owe You Pretty”

“Step back in perspective, open your heart and welcome transition into a new phase of life.” — Linda Rawson, source unknown

“We must live in the radiance of tomorrow, as our ancestors have suggested in their tales. For what is yet to come tomorrow has possibilities, and we must think of it, the simplest glimpse of that possibility of goodness. That will be our strength. That has always been our strength.” ― Ishmael Beah, “Radiance of Tomorrow”

“Step back in perspective, open your heart and welcome transition into a new phase of life.”
— Linda Rawson, source unknown

“Change is not a threat. It’s an opportunity. Survival is not the goal. Transformative success is.” — Seth Godin, source unknown

“The Earth, time, concepts, love, life, faith, justice, evil — they’re all fluid and in transition. They don’t stay in one form or in one place forever. The whole universe is like some big FedEx box.” ― Haruki Murakami, “Kafka on the Shore”

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.” — Jim Rohn, source unknown

“It’s only through facing the truth that you will be able to fulfill your potential and live the life you were meant to live. It’s only by jumping that you will be able to fly.” ― Nancy Levin, “Jump…And Your Life Will Appear: An Inch-by-Inch Guide to Making a Major Change”

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi, source unknown

“Transformation is often more about unlearning than learning.” — Richard Rohr, “Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life”

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
― Rumi, source unknown

“We must all obey the great law of change. It is the most powerful law of nature.” — Edmund Burke, Letter to Sir Hercules Langrishe (1792)

“How can you know what you’re capable of if you don’t embrace the unknown?” — Esmeralda Santiago, “Conquistadora”

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” — Anthony Robbins, source unknown

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished; that will be the beginning. ” — Louis L’Amour, “Lonely on the Mountain”

“The moment in between what you once were, and who you are now becoming, is where the dance of life really takes place.” — Barbara De Angelis, source unknown

“Beauty is the moment of transition, as if the form were just ready to flow into other forms.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson, “The Conduct of Life”

“Beauty is the moment of transition, as if the form were just ready to flow into other forms.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, “The Conduct of Life”

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” — Maya Angelou, source unknown

“Transitions are almost always signs of growth, but they can bring feelings of loss. To get somewhere new, we may have to leave somewhere else behind.” — Fred Rogers, “You Are Special: Neighborly Words of Wisdom from Mister Rogers”

“Change is inevitable in life. You can either resist it and potentially get run over by it, or you can choose to cooperate with it, adapt to it, and learn how to benefit from it. When you embrace change you will begin to see it as an opportunity for growth.” — Jack Canfield, source unknown

“The future is always all around us, waiting, in moments of transitions, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.” — J. Michael Strazynski, “Babylon 5”

“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” — C. JoyBell C., source unknown

“Transition isn’t pretty, but stagnation is hideous.”
― Nikki Rowe, source unknown

“Besides, interesting things happen along borders — transitions — not in the middle where everything is the same.” ― Neal Stephenson, “Snow Crash”

“Transition isn’t pretty, but stagnation is hideous.” ― Nikki Rowe, source unknown

“Everything teaches transition, transference, metamorphosis: therein is human power, in transference, not in creation; & therein is human destiny, not in longevity but in removal. We dive & reappear in new places.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Journals of Ralph Waldo Emerson”

“It takes love to hold on when you want to let go. It takes love to let go when you want to hold on.” ― Kate McGahan, source unknown

“Given that we all have a finite time on earth, we need to make our metaphoric transition from caterpillar to butterfly sooner rather than later.” ― Kelly Markey, “Don’t Just Fly, SOAR”

“The best part of your story is when it changes.”
― Bella Bloom, source unknown

The best part of your story is when it changes.” ― Bella Bloom, source unknown

“In transitions, we must learn to be still. Being still is, in part, about learning to be comfortable with ambiguity.” ― Janet Rebhan, “Learn To Be Still: Select Essays on the Spiritual Life”

“We resist transition not because we can’t accept the change, but because we can’t accept letting go of that piece of ourselves that we have to give up when and because the situation has changed.” ― William Bridges, “The Way Of Transition”

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” — Winston Churchill, source unknown

“It’s strange,’ he said, ‘that you always changed everything and I changed nothing and yet we’ve both ended up in the same place.” ― Rachel Cusk, “Transit”

“In order to design a future of positive change, we must first become experts at changing our minds.”
— Jacque Fresco, source unknown

“There is nothing permanent except change.” — Heraclitus, source unknown

“We hardly dare trust that this is a process of transformation – that out of the ashes will rise the phoenix of humanity.” ― Lucy H. Pearce, “Burning Woman”

“Change before you have to.” — Jack Welch, source unknown

“One child, one teacher, one pen, and one book can change the world.” — Malala Yousafzai, “I Am Malala”

“In order to design a future of positive change, we must first become experts at changing our minds.” — Jacque Fresco, source unknown
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” — Leo Tolstoy, “Pamphlets: Translated from the Russian”

Natalie Gale is a Boston-based freelance journalist. Since 2022, she has been reviewing the top sustainable home, wellness, fashion, and beauty products, sharing her honest opinion on the best finds. When she’s not writing about art, food, or sustainability, you can find her biking to the farmers’ market, baking, sewing, or planning her next Halloween costume. Say hi on Instagram!

The post 99 Quotes To Help You Through Transition appeared first on The Good Trade.

What is Intrinsic Motivation? And How To Find It

Nicole Ahlering — Wed, 24 Sep 2025 16:37:01 +0000

Nearly everything about autumn invites us to turn inward. The sun reclines toward the horizon, flooding the sky with a gentler light. Evening comes earlier, and the frenzied blooms of August retire into the soil. Nature is telling us loud and clear: This isn’t the time to show off.

But for many of us, autumn can usher in a season of performance. Even if we haven’t been students for years, fall feels like a fresh outfit, an unmarked notebook, or a chance to make the varsity team. Add in the super-social holiday season, and suddenly there’s little room for introspection.

“I want to align myself with Mother Nature’s clear instructions: Look inside, reflect, and shed what’s not mine.”

But this year, I’d like to put some of that outwardness down. I want to align myself with Mother Nature’s clear instructions: Look inside, reflect, and shed what’s not mine.

So I’ve been considering the source of my motivation lately. Is it aligned with my internal compass, or is it mostly designed to satisfy others?

Understanding motivation

According to mental health professionals, our motives can be divided into two categories: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is driven by our curiosity, what brings us joy, or what feels meaningful and important to us.

“Intrinsic motivation is driven by our curiosity, what brings us joy, or what feels meaningful and important to us.”

“I think of intrinsic motivation as what naturally gives us energy,” says Arati Patel, LMFT. Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from something outside of ourselves, like obligation, a sense of responsibility, or a desire for approval and rewards. This type of motivation isn’t inherently a bad thing, says Patel — especially when it functions as a form of healthy accountability. It can give us structure and a little kick in the butt when we need it. (Think: some peer pressure at the gym, competing to get a promotion, or egging on from a rival team.) These can be positive forces in moderation. The problem arises when that outward motivation becomes a primary source of fuel instead of a temporary boost.

“When you’re driven mainly by the external,” says Patel, “it tends to leave [you] burnt out or [feeling] disconnected.” And that’s not all. Empowerment coach, Aura E Martinez, often sees clients who are driven by outside validation struggle with anxiety, low self-worth, and even physical symptoms like insomnia and chronic stress. “Without an internal anchor, people risk burnout, resentment, or a loss of identity,” she says. Plus, when folks who are driven by extrinsic factors do achieve their goals, the victory can feel hollow and unsatisfying.

“The healthiest approach is using extrinsic motivation as a stepping stone to deepen intrinsic motivation” says Martinez — and not as a long-term game plan.

Is it intrinsic or extrinsic motivation?

It seems like it would be simple to differentiate between what we care about and what we’re prioritizing for others’ sake. But societal conditioning is powerful, and so is pressure from the people important to us — it can be easy to take ownership of a desire that isn’t ours.

“Societal conditioning is powerful, and so is pressure from the people important to us — it can be easy to take ownership of a desire that isn’t ours.”

That said, there are tricks we can use to tease out what drives us. “I help clients distinguish [between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation] by asking them not only what they want but why they want it,” says Martinez. “That distinction matters.”

Of course, if the only “why” we can think of is that it’s important to someone else, that’s extrinsic motivation. Another clue, according to Patel, is in our language. She often hears clients say “I should” more than “I want” when discussing extrinsic goals.

The biggest sign, according to both professionals, lies in our energy. If we’re feeling exhausted despite achieving what we set out to do, there’s a good chance we’re doing it on someone else’s behalf. That’s not to say pursuing what we care about can’t be tiring. But it typically engenders more of a physical or mental fatigue than a soul-deep depletion.

How do we find what truly motivates us?

Martinez believes our energy levels are so critical to assessing our motivation that she prescribes her clients an “energy audit.” For a week, they track which activities give them energy and which drain them. The energizing activities, of course, point to what her clients care most about, while the draining ones are ideally phased out or delegated. So that’s something we can all try at home. Martinez also recommends asking ourselves if we’re making a decision from our heart or out of fear. (I have heard another coach, Natalie Kennedy, refer to this as choosing based on what will “make her world bigger,” which I love!) Then it’s time to summon our bravery and choose the world-expanding, heart-bursting decision.

We can also ask ourselves what we would be doing if nobody were watching us, says Martinez. Journaling around that, and any other related questions — like what we’d be doing if we weren’t “responsible,” or if we weren’t a “good wife/sister/daughter/friend” can be helpful. So can paying attention to the quiet moments that leave us feeling content: Heeding our intrinsic motivation doesn’t mean we’ll always be exuberant, but it often means a life that feels pleasant and fulfilling in a simple, inevitable way.

“Heeding our intrinsic motivation doesn’t mean we’ll always be exuberant, but it often means a life that feels pleasant and fulfilling in a simple, inevitable way.”

Similarly, Patel recommends carving out unscheduled time to see what we drift toward when our motives aren’t clouded by obligation. The results can be telling! And she also urges us to check in with our bodies. We may find that if we’re operating in service of others’ expectations, we’re more likely to have tense shoulders, a clenched jaw, or a sense of numbness or weightiness. “Authentic choices often feel lighter, while performing tends to feel tense or heavy,” she notes.

The secret to intrinsic motivation

According to Martinez, self-compassion is essential to aligning with our internal motivations. After all, what happens if we find the things we care about aren’t the ones we’ve been taught to value?

“What happens if we find the things we care about aren’t the ones we’ve been taught to value?”

“Letting go of external validation can stir guilt, shame, or fear of disappointing others,” says Patel. Personally, I felt all of those things when I made a drastic change in my career. After graduating summa cum laude from an expensive university, I felt pressure to maintain a lucrative role. But ten years after receiving my diploma, I’ve switched from a “prestigious” marketing career to a (frankly) very low-paying job in animal welfare.

I know the people close to me weren’t necessarily gung-ho about my transition. I had to use a lot of gentleness with myself to accept that I don’t enjoy the type of jobs I am “expected” to do. At first, the voice telling me I was wrong for changing careers was loud. But after reading “The Good Enough Job” by Simone Stolzoff, I was able to soften into my desire for a different kind of work — and I was rewarded with an unexpected decline in my anxiety and depression symptoms.

A practical approach to taming external motivation

Focusing more heavily on our intrinsic motivation is important, but so is being realistic. A lot of our external motivation comes from people we love and respect, or from causes that we care about. We usually can’t shrug our shoulders and say, “Oh well, I choose not to care about that anymore.” If only it were that simple!

That doesn’t mean we’re subject to prioritizing others’ opinions forever, though. If there are external motivations we’ve identified and would like to reduce, I believe we can trust our intuitions. The path to doing that is always going to be nuanced and unique. Usually, we know what we need to do to change things. We may just need help getting there.

“If there are external motivations we’ve identified and would like to reduce, I believe we can trust our intuitions.”

So here are a few guideposts to help us on our way:

Name the source of our external motivation. Who does it actually “belong to?” Our father? Our Boss? Knowing this can help us determine how to move forward.

Do a values check. Does the expectation in question align with our values? If the answer is no, that’s a big red flag. If the answer is something along the lines of “sort of,” do some more digging.

For example, maybe we’re externally motivated to stay in shape because looking a certain way is a value upheld by our social circle. Meeting an aesthetic standard may not align with our core values, but perhaps feeling well and energized does. Can we reframe our motivation accordingly? If the answer is no, that’s okay too!

Take baby steps. This one is for all of my fellow all-or-nothing girlies: We don’t have to upend everything overnight. If we find that we’ve been attached to an external motivation, can we simply loosen our grip on it, rather than immediately letting go?

Maybe it means going home on time one night per week, instead of working overtime Monday through Friday. This can help build our tolerance for shifting expectations.

It always comes back to boundaries. At the end of the day, we were given this one life to create, explore, learn, and share our unique gifts with the world. When we stifle our inner voice, we’re preventing ourselves from doing all of these things. That alone is our motivation to set limits on others’ expectations. If we have trouble doing that — which many of us do — we are more than deserving of a coach, mental health professional, or other support to assist us in that process.

“Autumn is a season of transition and letting go,” says Martinez. “Just as nature sheds what it no longer needs, we can reflect on the motivations and commitments that no longer serve us.” I couldn’t agree more. I am proud of the progress I’ve made in turning inward, but there will likely always be areas where I let others’ opinions and desires get the best of me. So I’m going to look to the season for gentle reminders to take the time to slow down and reflect on what motivates me.

“I’m going to look to the season for gentle reminders to take the time to slow down and reflect on what motivates me.”

If being aligned with the natural world appeals to you, use the trees dropping their leaves as a visual reminder to drop whatever you need to as well. “It’s an ideal time to slow down, reassess, and realign goals with inner values before the rush of the new year,” Martinez says. “This seasonal rhythm reminds us that it’s natural and healthy to pause, release, and reset.”

And I’d love to know: What’s one intrinsic motivator you will be giving your loving attention this fall? Let me know in the comments. ✨

Nicole Ahlering is an animal adoption counselor at her local humane society. She’s also a writer. (So basically, everything she wanted to be when she grew up!) When she’s not working, she’s hanging out with her kitties and her partner, drinking iced espresso, or reading something non-fiction.

The post What is Intrinsic Motivation? And How To Find It appeared first on The Good Trade.

Soulmate Or Woundmate? A Therapist Explains The Difference

Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT — Thu, 11 Sep 2025 14:16:46 +0000

What do you think of when you hear the word soulmate? For many of us, it’s someone who feels instantly familiar — a deep connection where you finish each other’s sentences and never want to be apart.

But what if that person you are passionately drawn to isn’t your true soulmate — but instead someone sent to teach you valuable lessons that prepare you for a healthier, lasting relationship? If your connection involves more sleepless nights and arguments than productive conversations and mutual growth, you may be with a woundmate. 💔

Soulmates vs. woundmates

As a psychotherapist who views relationships through a spiritual lens, I often see clients mistake intense chemistry and early fireworks for signs they’ve met “the one.” They confuse intensity with intimacy.

But not all intense connections are soul connections.

In essence:

A woundmate is someone you attract based on your unhealed wounds.
A soulmate is someone you connect with from your authentic self — your soul — rooted in mutual love, respect, and emotional growth.

Society romanticizes love that begins with a bang. But not all fireworks mean forever.

Sometimes they are the signal flare of unresolved trauma.

Soulmates come in many forms

We actually have many soulmates — people our souls bring into our lives to help us grow. Soulmates can be romantic partners, friends, mentors — anyone who catalyzes your growth and helps you evolve. But there are two types of growth: Harmonious and painful.

“Soulmates can be romantic partners, friends, mentors — anyone who catalyzes your growth and helps you evolve.”

Harmonious growth is gentle, steady, and nurturing. The painful kind is still growth — but it often blinds us to red flags because the connection feels meant to be. And in some ways it is – just not for the reason we think.

From a spiritual perspective, we come here to evolve, and all relationships are opportunities for evolution. Relationships — romantic or otherwise — are powerful vehicles for that growth. Some deepen into steady nurturing partnerships. Others trigger the wounds we are here to heal — these are woundmate relationships.

What is a woundmate?

A woundmate is someone who mirrors your emotional wounds. These relationships often begin with magnetic physical attraction, overwhelming excitement, and exhilarating sex — but at some point become destabilizing.

You may feel obsessed, anxious, or confused. The chemistry is electric, but the connection is often rooted in unconscious wounds, not conscious compatibility.

Over time, the passion turns into pain:

Constant fighting
Unmet emotional needs
Inconsistent communication
An exhausting emotional rollercoaster

What kind of wounds attract a woundmate?

We all carry emotional wounds – like feeling unlovable, not good enough, not important enough, or having a fear of abandonment. These are often rooted in childhood experiences and remain unconscious until something happens to bring them into conscious awareness. The catalyst can be the turmoil of being with a woundmate. Their behavior, often unintentionally, mirrors our deepest insecurities.

Let me share a woundmate story from my early dating life.

What it’s like to fall for a woundmate

In my 30s, I fell hard for Henry. He reminded me of my dad — bald, protective, emotionally reserved. He worked in high-profile security and always scanned restaurant exits “just in case.” He had an air of mystery and purpose. Texts from famous clients buzzed during our dinners. I felt special, chosen.

But he was often unavailable. He traveled constantly. When I lost my job and texted him, he didn’t respond for four days. I told myself he was busy keeping important people safe. I didn’t want to seem too needy. I even started studying Judaism in secret after we talked about moving in together, hoping to surprise him.

Eventually, I asked him gently if we could talk more regularly. His response? He stopped texting and calling altogether. Then, during a visit home, he told me coldly, “You’ve become a chore to deal with.”

“Therapy helped me understand: We were both wounded.”

I was crushed. Friends were appalled by his coldness. But I turned the blame inward: Had I asked for too much? Was I too needy?

Therapy helped me understand: We were both wounded. My therapist told me, “We meet others at the level of our woundedness. We only accept the level of abuse we inflict on ourselves.”

She wasn’t wrong. As we unpacked my childhood, I uncovered a core wound of “not feeling good enough.”

My mother was amazing in many ways, but offered little praise – only helpful suggestions. A wrinkle in the bed. A missed spot on the glass table. She was doing her best, but emotional attunement wasn’t part of our family dynamic. She meant well – she had lost her mother at a young age, so she didn’t have a role model for emotional nurturing.

Henry felt familiar. He was emotionally unavailable, prioritized work over connection, and couldn’t handle vulnerability. But instead of continuing to abandon myself, I started doing the inner work.

Healing the wound

Healing took time — and more than one bumpy relationship. But I learned:

My wounds were attracting partners who couldn’t meet my needs.
I was confusing anxiety for love.
True connection requires emotional safety, not emotional starvation.

Now, I see red flags early. I walk away from people who can’t validate, communicate, or take responsibility. I no longer settle for scraps of love.

Henry was a woundmate — not because he was a bad person — but because our wounds aligned in a way that created pain, not partnership. He helped me grow by causing me emotional pain that I used for growth.

Could he have been a soulmate?

If Henry were a soulmate, we might still be together. My same wound would have been met with:

Kindness instead of criticism
Patience instead of punishment
Boundaries instead of abandonment

A soulmate would have said, “I hear you. I know I’ve been distant. Let’s figure this out.”

He wouldn’t have dismissed my needs. Instead, he would have leaned in, not checked out.

How do I know I’m with a woundmate?

Woundmate relationships often start fast and feel magical — but once the dust settles, signs of emotional instability emerge.

Common signs you’re with a woundmate:

Instant overwhelming chemistry, rooted in physical attraction, trauma, status, or fantasy
Feels “perfect” at first
Constant unresolved conflict
A partner who shuts down or runs when things get hard
Resistance to accountability or change
Exhaustion, anxiety, emotional depletion, and confusion
Feeling unseen or invalidated
Questioning their commitment often
Frequent criticism, especially about appearance or core beliefs
Lack of meaningful growth during the relationship
Unmet needs despite repeated requests
A sense that you are losing yourself

If this feels familiar, ask yourself: Does this relationship feel nourishing or depleting?

How do I know I’m with a soulmate?

A soulmate connection may also begin with chemistry — but it evolves more gradually. There’s a foundation of mutual respect, emotional safety, and shared values.

Signs of a soulmate connection:

Consistency, dependability, emotional safety
The relationship fosters mutual growth and support
The initial bond is rooted in shared values and compatible life goals
Sex is fulfilling, even if not always explosive
You don’t question how much you matter to your partner
Love grows steadily over time
You feel peaceful more often than stressed
Conflicts happen but are resolved respectfully
You feel safe to be your authentic self instead of performing
You can share feelings and feel heard, even in disagreement
Your partner invests in your happiness and the health of the relationship

Soulmate love isn’t perfect, but it feels safe and secure. You don’t have to beg for basic emotional needs to be met.

Can woundmates become soulmates?

Yes — but it’s rare. Woundmates can evolve into soulmates if both partners are deeply committed to their individual healing and the relationship’s growth. This transformation takes time, often years, and requires self-awareness, therapy, and radical honesty.

“Woundmates can evolve into soulmates if both partners are deeply committed to their individual healing and the relationship’s growth.”

Too often, one partner has too much of their own work to do from unhealed issues that have accumulated over time. It can be overwhelming to start that work AND simultaneously work on the relationship. These partners go from relationship to relationship, not taking the time in between to develop self-awareness and make healing a priority.

However, some people — especially those with narcissistic traits — may be too defended or unaware to do this work. Their wounds are so unconscious and their inability to see them guarded by deeply ingrained defense mechanisms that protect their fragile self from shame. It’s likely that they won’t be able to do the deep work needed in this lifetime. You can’t force someone to heal. And staying in pain, hoping they will start, isn’t a self-honoring choice.

What if I’ve only had woundmates?

If you’ve had a string of woundmate relationships, ask yourself:

What am I prioritizing over emotional health? Marriage? Children? Avoiding loneliness?
What wounds might be influencing my choices?
What beliefs am I holding about love and worth?
What attracted you to this person?

Don’t judge yourself. Every relationship brings an opportunity to grow. Your soul doesn’t care how long it takes – only that you learn the lesson. If you’ve stayed in an unhealthy relationship too long, know that you are not alone. The longer you’ve been in one, the harder it is to leave. Your issues get intertwined with theirs over time. Magical thinking laced with hope causes inertia. It can take time to realize your role in the unconscious dance you are doing with your partner.

Ask your higher self: What is this relationship here to teach me?

Is it about:

Setting boundaries?
Speaking your truth?
Letting go of the need to feel chosen?
Learning to choose yourself?
Trusting you can support and take care of yourself?

Woundmate relationships can show up at any age. Three of my closest friends and two clients recently left long-term woundmate partnerships – 14 years or more. They did the work. Two found soulmate connections, and the others are dating in a more boundaried way or are content and happy being single. It’s never too late to shift our patterns.

If you’ve found your soulmate — cherish that blessing. It’s a gift to be with a partner who helps you grow in a way that feels safe and supported.

If you are still attracting woundmates, go easy on yourself. The universe is patient and will keep giving you the lesson without judgment until you are ready to choose differently. Growth is a journey, not an event.

“The universe is patient and will keep giving you the lesson without judgment until you are ready to choose differently.”

If you aren’t happy with where you are in the relationship area of your life, you are not broken. You are a soul having a human experience. You are healing. You are growing. The more you practice meeting yourself with compassion, the more likely you are to attract someone who meets you the same way.

Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT is a Manhattan-based licensed integrative holistic psychotherapist. She specializes in relationship issues, depression, anxiety, grief, and spiritual growth. You can find her on Instagram or learn more on her website.

The post Soulmate Or Woundmate? A Therapist Explains The Difference appeared first on The Good Trade.

Why I Finally Decided To Start Talk Therapy At Age 50

Regina McKay — Tue, 09 Sep 2025 17:31:43 +0000

The heaviness in my face had been gradually growing. I knew it was there, that something didn’t feel right, but I didn’t stop to question what it was or how it started. My body ached too. If disappointments were stones, heartbreaks were rocks, and trauma boulders, that would explain the feeling my whole body carried every day. I had to find a way to put them down, or smash them up and scatter the pieces.

“If disappointments were stones, heartbreaks were rocks, and trauma boulders, that would explain the feeling my whole body carried every day.”

I’d put my life on hold out of fear. I wasn’t working on my goals and was hiding behind the issues I needed to work on. My husband talking about retiring made me realize I’m running out of time to do the things I want to do in this life. I had to find a way to push past the barriers that were keeping me from being my real self.

I’ve been following several therapists on social media for a while, hoping their little tidbits of advice would be enough to make me feel better. When one that I really like posted that she’d opened her own practice, I sent her an inquiry. Typing the words, asking for help, wasn’t easy, but just that one tiny step already made me feel lighter. She mentioned insurance, but she’s not in my network, and her private pay rates are out of my budget. Still, it set the wheels in motion. Before taking that step, I had no idea that health insurance would cover talk therapy. It turns out…mine does.

A few minutes of searching on my insurance website and I had a list of local therapists. I worked my way through the list, crossing off ones that seemed to contradict my core beliefs and circling the ones that might be a good fit for me. I found one to try.

I completed the intake paperwork and scheduled an appointment. But things didn’t go as planned. The overcrowded parking lot made me anxious. Nobody greeted me when I walked in, and not knowing what to do made my anxiety worse. I stood in the lobby for 10 minutes past my appointment time waiting for someone to acknowledge me, not seeing it as a good sign that several other people were sitting in the lobby waiting for their therapist, who all appeared to be running late. The office manager came out to tell me they’d written my appointment on the wrong day and wanted to know if I could come back tomorrow. I told him I couldn’t and that I wouldn’t be back. That wasn’t the place for me.

Discouraged but not giving up, I went back to the list, found another therapist, and sent an inquiry. She answered quickly, asking a few questions about why I wanted to start therapy. She seemed to genuinely care and want to help. I booked an appointment with her and started to create a list of things I wanted and needed to work on (codependency with my kids, grieving the deaths of my parents, my OCD, self-sabotage, etc.).

“My first appointment was a mix of nerves, fear, and relief.”

My first appointment was a mix of nerves, fear, and relief. I texted her when I arrived (per her instructions) and waited in my truck for her to come out and get me. Right on time, she came to the door and waved me in with a caring smile on her face, like I was a kid being called in from recess. She introduced herself and walked me to her office, a simple space with a chair for her and a loveseat for me, decorated with just the right amount of bright artwork that was neither stark and sanitary, nor cluttered and distracting.

The fifty-minute session flew by. On my list of over a dozen things to work on, we discussed three. She listened and nodded. I felt like she was really invested in helping me. She has tattoos. Me too. She cusses a little. Me too. She’s fed up with how women’s problems are dismissed, and we’re labeled as “difficult” or “crazy.” ME TOO!

“Therapy is a marathon, not a sprint. That in itself is a lesson for me.”

She reminded me at the end of the session that therapy is a marathon, not a sprint. That in itself is a lesson for me. I’m not great at being patient and once I identify a problem, I want it solved now!

She also gave me homework: Learn the difference between self-care and self-soothing. Self-soothing is doing the things that make you feel temporarily better (or numbed) and runs the risk of making you feel even worse afterward. Self-care is doing the things that are actually good for you.

Self-soothing for me is texting my husband at three in the afternoon, asking if he wants to go out for dinner. Self-care is making a meal together and eating at the table instead of while watching TV.
Self-soothing is scrolling through my phone when I wake up and losing track of time. Self-care is setting my alarm ten minutes earlier and not picking up my phone except to turn off the alarm, so I can be at work on time.
Self-soothing is going shopping for things I don’t really want or need. Self-care is staying home and cleaning out a cabinet.

I understand why she wanted this to be my first step. It’s the base that so many other things can be built on. Plus it helps me recognize when and why I sabotage myself.

She warned me when we started that I’d be tempted to suggest therapy for other people. She was right. It goes right along with my wanting to “help” other people. I’m slowly realizing in my journey away from codependency that I can only control what I do, think, and say.

“I’ve learned I can tell people I’m going without expecting them to do the same. It’s my marathon to run.”

I’m not ashamed of going to therapy. In fact, I’m proud of myself for finally making the effort. But I’ve learned I can tell people I’m going without expecting them to do the same. It’s my marathon to run. If they want to sign up, that’s fine, but they can also just cheer me on from the sidelines.

Doing the research, finding a therapist who challenges me without contradicting who I am makes the process easier. Therapy should help you help yourself, not force you to change things that are important to you.

“Therapy should help you help yourself, not force you to change things that are important to you.”

Together we decide what my homework should be between sessions. In a month’s time, I spend two hours in therapy and almost 500 waking hours out in the world. Just ranting about my problems during my sessions doesn’t immediately help me learn how to change my thoughts and behaviors. I want to be able to navigate the world outside of therapy with the lessons I learn in my sessions. Homework helps me do that. I’ve learned that a good therapist wants me to work on my issues continuously.

I understand therapy isn’t for everyone. Some people will never feel comfortable talking about their lives with a stranger. Others think they can solve everything on their own. I was one of those people. I believed in therapy for other people but thought I was able to handle everything without help and “fix” my issues with self-help books and positive affirmations. Those things can help but they were never going to help me get to the real solutions.

If I had a broken bone that didn’t heal correctly and a doctor told me they needed to rebreak the bone for it to really heal (and stop the pain), I would do it. It was the same for me mentally. Yes, working on my thoughts, behaviors, and feelings is difficult and uncomfortable, but it will be worth it to be really healed and finally able to toss the disappointment stones, smash up the metaphorical rocks of heartbreak, and set down the boulders of trauma.

I didn’t really realize how heavy and sad I felt until I started feeling lighter and calmer. I know it will take time to work through everything. I might be in therapy for years and that’s okay. I’m willing to make the investment of time, money, and energy to start feeling like my real self again.

Regina McKay is the wife of a firefighter, mother of five adult children, and passionate advocate of all things vintage, especially her pink bathtub. She works as an accountant but plans on using her experiences with mental health treatment to transition into a career in Criminal Justice/Mental Health reform. After hitting her rock bottom, she learned for her happiness didn’t come in a pill bottle. She now strives for contentment and appreciates moments of joy when they come.

The post Why I Finally Decided To Start Talk Therapy At Age 50 appeared first on The Good Trade.